Glory Daze

Dear Readers:

I have a good friend that I've known for over ten years named "Billy." He's 32. We used to party together in New York City when I lived there, having "bright lights, big city" fun. I have wonderful memories of that time. That was four years ago. Since then I've moved out to Chicago to begin graduate school.

I recently visited Billy in NYC over Thanksgiving. I joined him for a night out, trying to recreate the fun we used to have. It just wasn't the same for me. For Billy it was just another Friday night. Same story week after week.

I really wasn't surprised to see him still stuck in the glory days. It was scary, however, to see that he's escalated the fun to involve gambling, more less reputable women and deeper connections to dangerous characters.

I left feeling sad about his situation. I told a mutual friend who said I needed to have a heart to heart with Billy and tell him I was worried about his lifestyle.

The question for my readers is: Is this necessary? He hasn't come to me for help and who am I to judge his lifestyle? Won't this hurt our relationship? And if I do talk to him, how best to approach this subject?

--- George

Half Swede said...

Good questions! I have a friend who is the female version of Billy. She doesn't want to hear about it (I've tried, passively... and then more firmly) and is convinced she is happy. Is Billy really happy or is there an underlying 'cry for help' that he's masking? If he's genuinely happy, back off; sometimes it's natural to grow apart even if it's hard to accept. If you know him better and understand that this really isn't how you or Billy thought he might be/want to be, he needs a heart-to-heart. (This is all, of course, completely opinion-based on my part.)