prescriptions for the soul

Thursday, August 25, 2005

A King & His Castle

Dear George:

How do I ask a guy out at our school who I don't even know well and who, himself, obviously likes someone else here? It's like there's this sexual triangle tension looming that isn't even a triangle yet. But still, while circumstances temporarily seem to translate into no dice between him and I, I can't reconcile being part of the others' conversations about how he likes her ( friends are very chatty). See how knotted this is? I guess I'm just confused. What kind of insights do you have here? He's so smart & hot, but there's too much female competition as well.

--- Harriet

Dear Harriet:

That is one hell of knot, but one my Boy Scout training will help you unravel. If you truly value your girlfriend’s friendship and she has openly announced she’s interested in this guy, then backing off is best. If you’d dump your friend for this guy in a second, then read on.

You like this smart and hot guy and your friend likes this guy and maybe half the school likes this guy, but you're the one who is going to land this big man on campus. While you and your friend are busy knocking each other out of the way to lower his drawbridge, he's probably feeling like he's king of the castle. Why would he remove this daily flattering by actually dating one of you guys? He's probably milking it for all its worth and will continue to do so.

You have to try a different tactic: ignore him. I know this may sound risky, but guys love it when they have to chase a girl. You can be nice and sweet, but always busy. This will lessen the tension between you and your friend and remove you from stressful situations. You'll know if he likes you if he makes an effort to leave his castle and talk to you. If he does, be aggressive and suggest you two grab a drink. If he accepts, you are on your way to landing this king of the campus. If he declines, you're too busy for him anyways. Don't stress about your friend. Just because she thinks this guy likes her, doesn't make it so -- no matter how wishful her thinking. When talking to her, smile and reaffirm your friend's feelings. If he's not interested in either of you, at least you'll still have your friendship.
-- George

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