prescriptions for the soul

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Take The Bull By The Horn

Dear George:

Is it ok for girls to ask guys out on a date? There's this guy I see everyday at the gym that I really like and want to ask out. My girlfriends think I'm nuts. What do you think?

--- Kerry in Chicago


It seems crazy that with woman fighting on the front lines, doing open-heart surgery and running for president, this question is still being debated. I think you definitely should ask this guy out. I'm speaking for every shy guy out there that would love to be approached by a woman and invited out for drinks or coffee. Life is all about going after what you want, right? Just be prepared for the possible unintended consequences. In some guy's minds, your assertiveness conjures up unwarranted fantasies of no-commitment sex. The other dilemma with asking a guy out is that you might get stuck with a very passive guy. To alleviate some of the problems mentioned above, I would definitely let him decide if there should be a second date. As the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to to water but you can't make him drink.

If you're too nervous to take the plunge and ask him out you can try this idea provided by my own advice guru: my barber (I'm still not secure enough to say "my hair stylist" as she prefers). She suggests you invite him out on a group date. By asking him and his friends to join you and your girlfriends out for the night, there is less pressure on everyone involved. You can get to know him without feeling those inevitable first date jitters.

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