prescriptions for the soul

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Woah Oh Oh Feelings

Dear Readers:

As you may know, I'm a doctoral student in clinical psychology who has spent the better part of the last four years learning to connect with my emotions, "open up," share my joys, desires and fears. If I don't "know thyself," how can I help another person with that same goal? Right?

I recently dated a girl who often said "you never tell me your feelings." I was dumbfounded by this statement. I was always telling her when I felt angry or sad, even shame. I thought this was important to a relationship. To be open and share one's feelings.

Even with this, she continued her mantra that I'm not expressing my feelings. Finally, it hit me like a ton of bricks. When she asked me to share my feelings, she was referring only to my feelings about her! The "Us Talk" in disguise.

So how important is it really for a man to share his feelings (if not specifically related to the relationship)?

-- George


Please use the comments link to post your thoughts on this question. Thanks.

Dear George:

It's vital. I think some women, not all, need reassurance now and then (more often than not) that you're on the same page as your guy. Just keep us in the loop on your life AND the "our" bit and your girlfriend will relax. And tell her she looks nice now and then.
-- Rebecca

8 comments:

Rebecca said...

It's vital. I think some women, not all, need reassurance now and then (more often than not) that you're on the same page as your guy. Just keep us in the loop on your life AND the "our" bit and your girlfriend will relax. And tell her she looks nice now and then.

George said...

Thanks Rebecca.
G

Anonymous said...

oh george, you'll never get it.

George said...

Don't be mean. Speak your truth.

Anonymous said...

okay.

in the same way a dad can explain to his son that he'd had a "stressful" day at the office, or he felt "angry" that he didn't get the raise he was promised or that he felt super "ashamed" that he was yelled at by his boss in front of his co-workers, THIS sharing of feelings will never let the son know HOW his dad feels about HIM, not just the dad's feelings. do you see the distinction between merely SAYING how you feel in general (ashamed, angry) and saying how you feel about your son (love, pride)?

Merely studying emotions does not mean you have them. Remember this...

George said...

While I appreciate your comments, I think feelings regardless whether they're about oneself or another are the same. I don't distinguish. The problem is that I just started dating this girl, and thus couldn't possibly have developed the feelings for her that a father has for his son. Very different.

How can you say I don't have emotions. Are you me?

Anonymous said...

i'd recommend not sleeping with someone for whom you have no feelings. --amy

George said...

Understood. But sometimes that happens and the feelings are present but not fully developed.

Perhaps abstinence until marriage is the key.