I am the anonymous with the guy friend. Things have kind of gone back to normal. We see each other every once and a while, but there is still a sexual tension when we do. He hasn't made any advances, and I guess I am scared to. Most of the time when we do see each other, we are with other people, at a BBQ or out with friends.
I am glad I didn't lose him as a friend, but I think I am still curious if there is more to what he is thinking. I don't know if the sexual tension is just me, or if he feels it too. I don't know if it is just a lust, that we are both scared to act on, for the sake of our friendship. Or if we are both just scared.
I know it has been months since the one time that anything happened... But I still don't know what to do. If I sit down and talk to him, that could make things even worse... I don't know, I guess I just need to get him alone, and see how we react to each other. If I still feel that sexual tension, then maybe I will just have to ask him what he wants...
Read Anonymous' Previous Post.
Dear Anonymous:
I definitely get that you really like this guy and are spending a great deal of mental energy on him.
You say you're happy you didn't lose him as your friend, and are glad you didn't act on your lust for "the sake of the friendship." But what kind of friendship is this? How can you be friends with someone you want so badly? This sounds like a crush... where you enjoy the chemical rush that occurs when you're around him.
Now I know that having him as a friend increases the chances that he'll see how hot you are in different outfits and lighting.... but how long can that go on? You need to take the attitude that he's either in... or in the way.
Speaking from experience, there are many female friends I'd like to have sex with, and I'll agree that the sexual tension does make it interesting for me... but I have no intention of doing this for the reasons mentioned in my earlier post to you. Friends with benefits are never beneficial for me.
If, however, I did decide that I wanted more from one of my female friends, I would most likely NOT discuss it with her directly. I agree with you on this..."If I sit down and talk to him, that could make things even worse." A night out with everyone that turns into a morning in for just the two of us would be best... followed by more hookups, and then later, a discussion about something bigger than our friendship.
So, I'd trust your gut and get him alone. If the next hookup (and I'm sure there'll be one) occurs, let him know you want more of him. If he denies this request, you can walk away, saving that surge of serotonin for the guy at the gym/coffeeshop/library that's been checking you out.
-- George
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