prescriptions for the soul

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Roast Chicken Not On Menu

Dear George:

I've been dating this girl for a while and she's really great. She's caring and loving, funny and creative. There is one issue though. She's not as educated as my own friends or family and sometimes makes comments that reflect this difference. She does have a college degree but it's obvious to others and myself that she's not as worldly or smart. Is this worth breaking up with her over?
-- Superficial in Kansas City

Dear Superficial in Kansas City:

You like parts of this woman, but don't like other parts. Unfortunately, your girlfriend is not a roast chicken. With relationships it's all or nothing.

Differences in race, class or religion can be detrimental to a relationship, and they can be a blessing. These relationships bring exposure to new traditions, customs, foods and ways of thinking about life.

Harmony in your relationship really depends on one factor. Do you accept her differences? If you don't, your partner will always feel one down and she'll grow to resent you for your judgmental attitude. You will also begin to dislike her for the ugly feelings she brings up in you. I believe judgements are reflections of our own insecurities. By closely looking at you own issues around class, you may be able to reorient your thinking.

To save your relationship, I suggest you sit down with her and air your feelings and judgments. Before you begin the conversation, say something like, "What I'm about to say is all about me and my own insecurities." Ask her for her judgments about you. It's only fair right? As the bible says, "
Judge not that ye be not judged."

While judgments are hard to hear, this type of honest communication can lead to better understanding and acceptance. You both may feel relief in sharing your insecurities. If not, I suggest you pass on the roast chicken. Try the fish.

--- George

To ask your own question, email George.

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