prescriptions for the soul

Sunday, November 06, 2005

A Holly Jolly Gay Christmas

Dear George:

I've always thought of myself as liberal and open-minded, but my daughter has thrown me for a loop. Two years ago she married a man whom I really liked. He was generous and kind enough to adopt her three children, who were left fatherless by a deadbeat dad. My daughter and her kids seemed to be doing much better now that he's in their lives.

This past summer my daughter and her husband announced that they were both gay. While they planned to stay in the marriage (and in the home) for the kid’s sake, they agreed they could see other people. My daughter eventually met a new woman who I really liked. But now that the holidays are arriving, she wants to invite this girlfriend to Christmas dinner. I feel sick about the whole thing, and especially how this will impact the kids. Should I allow this to happen?

--Scrooge in DC

Dear Scrooge:

It's important to accept your daughter's homosexuality, but not her "have her cake and eat it too" lifestyle. Your permissiveness, or false acceptance, of your daughter's decisions will only breed anger and contempt in you. That seething resentment, if not carefully vented, will show up on your x-rays in five years as back pain or heart problems.

I believe mother's are given a number of free passes to intrude on their children's lives. Especially if their child or grandchildren's health and welfare are at stake. Hopefully you haven't used up yours yet.

Why not suggest that by living separately from her husband it might actually be good for the children. It may be easier for them to understand that their father and mother are gay, and decided to live apart, than it is to see them supposedly married, but never intimate. Imagine the confusion that will arise when they finally learn the truth. They will feel hurt and deceived by the lies that surrounded them.

Explain to your daughter that you would feel more comfortable with these Christmas dinner seating arrangments.

To your right is your daughter, seated next to her new female lover. She is across from your daughter's gay ex-husband who, while friendly with your daughter, does not live with her. Next to him are your grandchildren, who he lovingly adopted. They smile, feeling respected and cared for by all at the table. It's a happy gay Christmas that would melt even Scrooge's cold heart.

-- George

My advice is simply one person's opinion. I encourage readers to submit their own advice about the matter in question. Click on the comments link to provide your thoughts.

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